My Life is not My Own

"I have but one passion... it is He, it is He alone. The world is the field and the field is the world; and henceforth that country shall be my home where I can be most used in winning souls for Christ."

-Count Zinzendorf

This quote was shared with me a few weeks ago via Skype by the one and only Jonathan Griffith and his incredible wife Amy. They have been the most incredible and encouraging examples of what it looks like to live their lives in this world but not conforming to the patterns of it (Romans 12:2) and I look up to them in more ways than one. I would not be who I am without Amy's kind love and encouragement throughout the years as she has acted as a mentor and an older sister to me for about 12 years now. Her partner in crime is just as wonderful in his thoughts, prayers, and encouragement, and the Lord has used them in powerful ways all over the world.

The most beautiful Skype picture I have ever taken.
Amy and JG with their 2 beautiful children along with part of my family

I am realizing more and more that my life is not my own. Yes, I know it says so clearly in the Bible, (Romans 14:8), but I am human and get selfish and think it's all about me sometimes. The beautiful day, my health, my family, my friends, the opportunities placed in my life... but every time I think I have it figured out, the Lord breaks me of those things rightly so, and He reminds me that He is the reason I am here and He has  His own plans for me and my life. I just wanted to take a moment of your sweet time to share with y'all about how the Lord is working right this very moment in my life.

I want to start off by saying that Wake Forest is a wonderful school, but as all college students realize at some point, college is not always fun, and I certainly hope these are not "the best 4 years of my life". Last semester I had the misfortune of dealing with some pretty unkind "friends", but the Lord quickly took those people out of my life and as hard as it was to let go of them, He placed new friends into my life the moment I got back to school this semester and it has been such a blessing to see Him work through them and encourage me and build me up. I in no way want to discount the friends who loved on me while I was struggling last semester because they have been incredible, but it is cool to experience first hand how the Lord moves. He has plans for me that are even greater than I could imagine (Ephesians 3:20), and currently one of those seems to be starting an IJM (International Justice Mission) chapter up here at Wake Forest. I have gotten the chance to work with and meet some of the most incredible and God fearing people on this campus, and we are being obedient to the tug He is putting on our hearts to help get behind the End It Movement from Passion 2013 and raise awareness about slavery on this campus (http://enditmovement.com/). If you think about it, please pray for us as we are truly just getting started. So the Lord is breaking me of my comfortable group of friends, some of whom we really don't have that much in common anymore anyway, and He is calling me to step out of my comfort zone, meet other people, and initiate something bigger than ourselves on this campus.

Prayer over the start of the EndItMovement kick off February 1st

Another interesting thing the Lord is breaking me of is "having it all together". Y'all, I'm learning that it is okay to cry. I used to pride myself on not crying and not getting emotional about things, but I am here to tell you that a good cry every once in a while is healthy and needed. The best example I can give of this is this past January, one of my best friends mom's passed away from a long fought and very courageous battle with cancer. I don't think I have ever cried so hard in my life. I cried with my friend that night and then cried some more with friends in prayer, then cried with my mom on the phone, and then I ended up back in my room in the fetal position unable to even climb into my bed. One of my suite mates found me and ended up joining me in tears, we were just so heartbroken. I know this sounds extreme and dramatic, but it just left me asking God "Why?". The gravity of what waking up without a mother feels like as a 20 year old girl hit me so hard, and I just truly couldn't do anything else. It didn't seem fair and even though I still don't understand, we are so thankful that her mom was a Believer and is no longer in pain or suffering here on this Earth. We laughed saying that now she gets to ask God all the questions we all have wanted to ask, and she gets to meet all kinds of incredible people. But it doesn't change the fact that we are still left here on Earth without her. My friend has been an example to us all and while we have been able to love on her, she has loved on us in return. She has been the picture of patience, grace, and love. Her favorite flowers are tulips, and its safe to say that she has had a steady flow of tulips in her room since January. It's as if she has her very own gorgeous tulip garden right there in her room to cheer her up and remind her of how loved she is whenever she sees them.

As y'all can see, I am continuing to experience the love and grace of God. Unfortunately, I do have some frustrating news, but in the grand scheme of things, it isn't that big of a deal. I re-tore my right quad again ever so slightly, (I can actually walk this time though!!), and I have to do some more physical therapy to get to 100%. As I still find myself asking God "why?", a verse that has continued to reappear in my life lately thanks to encouraging friends and family is 2 Corinthians 12:9: "But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." Tying it all back together, (because I know I have gotten carried away and wandered), after the Lord has humbled me and broken me down to the point where I must fully rely on Him the most, it is at that point that I believe that He can use me the most. As Count Zinzendorf said in the quote at the top, my true home will be wherever the Lord can best use me, and with that I am reminded again that Earth is just a temporary home and my life is not my own (2 Corinthians 4:18).